R Madhavan has never presented parenting as a matter of simply being around his son all the time. The actor, who has often spoken about his relationship with Vedaant Madhavan, believes being a good father has more to do with giving a child confidence, values and the freedom to form his own opinions. His approach, in fact, goes beyond the now common idea of spending “quality time” with kids.Madhavan explained why he does not believe in being a “cosmetic father” who tries to be physically present for every event in his child’s life. He recalled telling Vedaant that his own father was not always around either, but was someone he could depend on whenever he needed support. He also questioned the pressure on parents to create “quality time” with their children.“There will be enough time or there will never be enough time to spend with your kids,” Madhavan said on Mashable Middle East YouTube channel, adding that he did not want to take his career lightly simply because of the pressure to spend more time with his son. “Don’t take the career lightly at this point of time. I think this is a very Western concept that I have to spend quality time with the kids.”He added, “So I said, Vedaant, if you expect me to be this cosmetic father who will come to all your school games, that’s not going to be me because I have a profession that does not allow me to do that.” He further added, “But if you ever need any help… I will always be on your side,” he added.One of the things Madhavan deliberately did was give Vedaant a voice in the family from a very young age. In a conversation on The SS Podcast, he said he would ask his son for his opinion even when he was only five. “From a very young age, I treated my son Vedaant like an adult. I never mollycoddled him. When Vedaant was five years old, I would ask him for his opinion on what to do. He has grown up knowing that his opinion matters to me. Children will make mistakes, but I don’t want Vedaant to repeat mine.”That trust has also meant accepting honest feedback from his son. Madhavan said Vedaant is “very blunt” about his films and does not praise him merely because he is his father.In his conversation with Radhika Gupta for ACKO’s 100 Year Life Project, Madhavan spoke about some of the values he consciously tried to build in Vedaant.The first was gratitude. He wanted his son to understand that many privileges come from the hard work of other people.“I realised there are two things I needed to tell Vedaant. One is this attitude of gratitude, which is very, very important for them to know: that they are privileged because of somebody else’s work, that has helped get you this.”The second was respect for everyone, irrespective of their position. Madhavan said he taught Vedaant to acknowledge liftmen, guards and drivers politely. He remembered feeling that he had done his job as a parent when a watchman told him that Vedaant always greeted him with “namaste”.The third lesson came from a family Madhavan stayed with during his time in Canada. Impressed by how well-adjusted their children were, he asked the mother about her approach. Her answer stayed with him: “Don’t give your child free time.” Madhavan explained that the idea was not to burden children with endless activities, but to encourage them to stay engaged with things they genuinely enjoy.Vedaant, born in 2005, has gone on to build a career in competitive swimming and has represented India at national and international events. But Madhavan has also been careful not to let his son confuse his father’s fame with his own achievements.Speaking to Behindwoods TV, he pointed out that there are swimmers in India who are better than Vedaant but receive less attention because they are not the son of a famous actor.“Stardom is a very dangerous thing, my friend. You got it at a very young age. Learn how to handle it because it comes and goes, and mental peace shouldn’t be affected.”For Madhavan, that may be the larger point of parenting — a child does not just need attention. He needs the confidence to think, the discipline to work, the humility to respect others and a parent who remains a steady source of support when things do not go as planned.Vedaant is brutally honest about his father’s filmsMadhavan has also spoken about how Vedaant reacts to his films. Rather than automatically praising his father because he is a star, Vedaant gives him an honest opinion. Madhavan has described his son as “very raw and blunt” when it comes to his work. If he likes a film, he praises it openly, but his reactions are not simply based on the fact that Madhavan is his father.One moment Madhavan remembered particularly fondly came after Vedaant watched Vikram Vedha. His son hugged him after seeing the film, giving Madhavan a personal response that meant more than a routine compliment. It showed the actor how his work was being viewed by his son, who had grown up watching his career from close quarters.
